Event Fatigue's Worst of 2009

In lots of ways, 2009 was just a terrible year that a lot of people are going to wish just never existed in the first place. Layoffs, the economy still struggling to aloft, health care "reform", and of course Kanye West not letting people finish after interrupting their special moment despite saying he was going to. But really, with a much brighter 2010 just around the corner, we think that the time is right to look back, point, and laugh at the really bad things that came out in '09. It's the same set-up as our Best of '09 list, with the same categories as yesterday too. Hit the jump for the list.


Worst New Character

Peter Durkin: The Flamingo

The Flamingo from Batman and Robin is the worst character of 2009. I don’t like the costume design and he is able to beat up Jason Todd with a whip. His whole appearance out of nowhere and his utter manhandling of the Red Hood was just too far fetched for me. He offered up nothing as far as dialogue goes and all of his teeth are filed to a point. He looks like Justin Timberlake wanted to dress like a matador. Just awful. But there is hope. He is a Grant Morrison character and he’s only made this one appearance. Who knows?

Warwick Johnson: FrankenCastle

No. Just no. I get it that it's tough to write Punisher stories in the regular Marvel Universe. So don't write them. We've got Punisher MAX with Jason Aaron writing it, so we don't need this bullshit.

Tim Dunn: Barack Obama

Look I love the guy, so far. But super hero books are the place for Gods. Aren't we just asking to be let down by our president when we build him up to be a confidant of Spidey and Cap? And since our heroes will continue to be the same age for decades to come, doesn't that mean we'll eventually have to RETCON BARACK OBAMA??? Let's just not have this be a gimmick to sell mainstream books. Please.
Worst Miniseries/Event
Warwick: Justice League: Cry for Justice

What happened James Robinson? I loved the Golden Age, and everything I've read of your Starman run definitely deserves it's status as a tremendous comic. But your work with DC has been sub-par leading up to this monstrosity that is easily the worst mini, if not comic, of the entire year. Killing promising heroes for the sake of building up some B.S. pet villain project? Check. Maiming a popular legacy character with tons of potential? Check. Characters acting out of character and sleeping with people for titilation and nothing else? Check. Blech. This comic was dreck, plain and simple.
Tim: Blackest Night: Batman

If you like things that don't matter, you will really love this book. I read it because I was legitimately afraid for Tim & Dick, and wanted to see if they'd defeat the black lanterns or perish. And do you know what they did? Neither. A stalemate folks. And nothing resolve the dramatic tension you've been building up for three issues like... a stalemate. Overall, it's a masturbatory trip through sidekick history, and not worth the ten bucks.
Peter: Ultimates 3/Ultimatum

You’ve read it, you know how bad it is. Do I really need to say why? Yes, I do. What universe is Jeph Loeb writing in? Did he read Ultimates 1&2 and say to himself ‘that was grim and gritty. I’m going to take everything Millar did, do the exact opposite, and then make every reader shart themselves when they read it. If so, mission accomplished. I DREADED when this book showed up on the new comic rack. Yes, I bought every issue. I wish I hadn’t. Awful. Just awful. I did, in fact, shart when I read these books.
Worst Series
Tim: Justice League of America

We may look back one day and say that 2009 was an important year for the Justice League, but while we were reading it, It sucked. With members coming and going, being suspended, and starting new groups, it read more like a french bedroom farce than a comic book. For me, the internal politics of who belongs on the team, and who should lead, was not enough to keep this series afloat.
Peter: Wolverine: Origins

I love Wolverine. I have every issue of his ongoing series. I have every issue of his last ongoing series. I even saw Wolverine at the movies three times. But Wolverine: Origins was the worst series of 2009, and I say that having bought every single issue and will continue to do so until the series finishes (which is soon). The reason this book is the worst can be summed up in one word; Romulus. His character design is bad, his motivations are the most cliché of clichés, and he saps all of the fun out of, not only this book, but the mythos of Wolverine. Romulus has somehow orchestrated every twist and turn in Logan’s life, with his ultimate goal being that he wants Wolverine to take over his empire. Oh, and his fortress is a train. Scary, I know. Also, Wolverine is very emo in this book. Jason Aaron has nailed Wolverine over in Weapon X. But everything that is great about Weapon X is reversed and multiplied by 100 in Wolverine: Origins.
Warwick: Dark Avengers

2009 was the year that I gave up on Brian Michael Bendis and his run on the Avengers. I dropped New Avengers after the 23rd fight against the Hood this year, and I should have dropped this book but Mike Deodato's artwork and Siege kept me around. But I haven't disliked reading a book on a monthly basis this much in a long, long time. Nothing ever happened, none of the characters acted anything like themselves (and as a Busiek/Ellis Thunderbolts fanboy that's a big deal for me) and for a comic about "villains" they never did anything villainous. Or interesting. Ever. Instead they talked about nothing over cereal in like half the issues, and the other half the Sentry would just explode and then be just fine. Ugh, this was just terrible.
The Rest of the List:
Worst Movie
Tim: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

Of all movies I saw this year "The Goods" was definitely the worst. To be clear, the problem with this film isn't that it's not funny. The problem is that you don't care about the main character (Don Ready, played by Piven) AT ALL! Also this film was colossal a waste of talent! With comedians like Ed Helms, David Koechner and Rob Riggle you'd think some semblance of a successful comedy could be salvaged. But it isn't. This was the second film produced by Adam McKay in 2009, the other one being "Land of the Lost." Truly a terrible year for one of the best modern comedy writers.
Warwick: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I saw what might have been worse films this year, like G.I Joe for instance, but this film takes the title of Worst Film of '09 because it shouldn't have been as bad as it was. Yet in the end it was a sloppy, cheesy, stupidly thought-out and written film that never ever should have been green-lit. Wolverine lost his memory because Adamantium bullets are lodged in his skull. "Deadpool" was awesome in the beginning, but is then made into a bastardiized troll with swords in his arms (how does he bend his arms when they're sheathed?). And Wolverine, the best tracker/killer of them all, gets tricked by pouring blood on somebody and he never once checks her for wounds and then just leaves her in the woods and never buries her. WTF?
Worst TV Show
Warwick: The Jay Leno Show

I don't really have to explain this do I? Instead I'm just going to point out that there are now four or five fewer shows on television because of this senseless pandering to an old, washed up jackass who wasn't even funny in his prime. Imagine if Lost, or House, or Smallville was trying to get picked up and was turned down for another hour of late-night talk shows.
Tim: Glenn Beck

That's right! Going political y'all!!! This is a tricky one because from time to time, Glenn Beck makes a good point or two. I agree with his views on American debt, and I'm glad he devoted an entire episode to clearing myths about 9/11 conspiracy theories and FEMA camps. But it's the worst show of 2009 because Glenn Beck has one of the largest audiences out there, and the man does not know the meaning of the word fascist. He consistently uses unfounded scare tactics to sell his books, and millions of Americans are eating it up everyday. In fact, if you're reading this right now and you watch Glenn Beck, I invite you to go to the computer room in your doom bunker, and research this man. For Christ's sake, he's ACTUALLY a magician.
Worst Hero
Peter: The Sentry

Because all he does is show up and get destroyed or show up and get mind tricked and then run away. All year those are the only two things the Sentry has done.
Tim: Jack Shephard

From the beginning of LOST, I thought Jack Shephard was a great protagonist. Until he allowed Sawyer to jump out of the helicopter at the end of Season 4, instead of doing it himself. Then came season 5. I don't know if the writers wanted to explore different characters, but it seems like they completely forgot about Jack. As a result, we had seventeen episodes in which he spent the majority of his time whining about Kate and flip-flopping on plans HE created. Meanwhile, Sawyer continued to bang every woman Jack has ever showed even the slightest romantic interest in. Go Sawyer!
Warwick: Barry Allen

I can't stand Barry Allen. Not only that, but Flash: Rebirth is TERRIBLE despite being done by Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Schiver and the only distiction I can give it is that Cry for Justice was still worse than it. Then the announcement came from DC that there would be no Wally West-as-Flash back-up in the new Flash title (it was announced with the creative team of Johns/Scott Kollins) nor would there be a Kid Flash ongoing title from Sterling Gates. Instead, if you want to read about the Flash you're only choice is St. Barry (as Kirk Warren from the Weekly Crisis as dubbed him). But most egregious is the fact that Barry is now the main character in Blackest Night and adds not a single fucking thing to the whole story, to the point where you could replace him with any of the speedsters and it would be the exact same. If Barry is so great, Didio, then why is it I still can't identify any of his characteristics or any kind of personality from him? Barry Allen sucks, that's why.
Worst Villain
Tim: Captain Nero

I know this one seems strange, given that Star Trek was one of my favorite movies of '09. But the only thing that kept it out of a 2-way tie was Eric Bana. The best villains are those that you identify or agree with on some level like Magneto, Two-Face or Sinestro (ask me about that one sometime) But they spent so much effort recreating the crew of the Enterprise that I think Nero was overlooked. I even read Start Trek: Countdown to see if that would help my opinion of him, but that was runner up for worst event/miniseries, so avoid it at all costs.
Warwick: Norman Osborn & the Cabal

You read that right. Osborn and his Cabal are my pick for the Worst Villains of '09. And if you think I'm wrong, let me ask you this. What did they do? Nothing. They accomplished not a goddamn thing except for killing the Punisher, but even that was just because it was a normal dude with guns going up against a remorseless version of Wolverine. But other than that Norman, despite having all of the resources of SHIELD at his disposal, not to mention the Avengers and the Initiative, hasn't yet done anything worthy of calling it a "Dark" Reign. And the rest of the Cabal? They've all become nothing but chumps, as not a single one of them has won a fight this entire year. Frost and Namor defected, The Hood has been reduced to being nothing more than a jobber, while Doom and Loki are just characitures of themselves.

Peter: The Red Skull

First off, you’ve lost in your quest to destroy Steve Rogers before your mini series is even over. You get decapitated by Old Man Logan in one universe and stuck in a robots body in another. To top it off, you have the chance to actually kill your arch nemesis by way of having his impregnated lover shoot him at point blank range, and you opt to shoot him with a time ray gun thing? I feel like when I read that part of Captain America Reborn, I was actually watching the exchange from Scott Evil and Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. You have a chance to kill Captain America and you don’t take it? Stupid

Well, that's it. And now thankfully 2009 is over, and we've only got 5 months until Iron Man 2.

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